PLEASING

Hits and misses are part of the deal when you are making films. There will be films that you will be able to please a general audience and there will be the ones that do not please the audience at all or only a small consensus. Does a filmmaker need to please the audience? Yes to a certain extent but one should not make a film with the audience in mind first. You, the filmmaker should be that specific audience first and foremost.

Funny thing that happened to me is the films that I did it out of the enjoyment of making films are the ones that clicked with the audience and the one that I poured my life in making it, audience tended to be confused. Where did I go wrong? Or... where did I go right? Right or wrong cannot be summed into this scenario as everything is part of the larger journey that I have to go through.

Each project that I do, I feel that I am evolving to be a better filmmaker. Better filmmaker? I guess that is my justification but I do feel it. Others might think that my later works are getting too anti-narrative that they don't make sense anymore. I have to concur to that all my works are of narrative nature and the only difference is that I am challenging myself to step out of the conventional approach and to experiment with other modes of presentation, for example; the usage of sound as a primary source of information rather than just a supportive source.

All my works are done while I am at that particular state of mind of the period. What I am capturing is where that state of mind is at that time and by making films outwardly, I am learning inwardly of myself.

EXIT was done because I wanted to prove that I am a versatile filmmaker. KILLERVATOR was done to fulfill the earlier unfinished KILLERVATOR that I did two years prior to the one that exists today and I wanted to have fun doing it. CHOICE is to voice out my concern over identity. ECHOES is about the guilt of adultery and the loss of a child. TRUE is about melodrama of young love.

Who am I pleasing? In all fairness, both myself and the audience, I hope. (Fairness exists only in human logics. Human wants justice and fairness to things and events. In the real world, that is not applicable.) By first pleasing myself, I hope I can then please the audience. You have to look into yourself first and use that as the yardstick before you venture out.

INSPIRATION... A CONTINUATION

Navigating through your brain and neurons in searching for that inspiration is utterly ridiculous. Can inspiration be forced? How I wish for me that inspiration can be compelled out of me, but sadly I don't have that special capability to conjure my inspiration out at will. It has to come by its own freewill. And there lies the problem.

To let inspiration come, all the cosmic forces have to come into a point to trigger that inspiration. Walking in a mall, reading a particular article in a newspaper, working out in the gym, driving home or riding home after work are all of the instances where the trigger happened to me. What do you do with it? Go with it until it runs into a dead end. Not all inspirations are practical. What I mean by that is there are inspirations that cannot be performed during that particular time and place. For example, I have come upon an inspiration to make a sci fi film based on whatever that is available here but without certain infrastructures in place, that inspired idea will be shelved into the KIV folder in my head. Or, you might ask the question about the update to TRUE, and the answer is that project is in a cryogenic state at the moment as I need funding to complete the rest of the production, which I need to travel to several places up north to shoot. With my current schedules and my talents' schedules clashing, I have frozen the project for the time being.

Like the idea that I'm having now, I am passionate about the subject matter and I'm going all out to make sure that I will be able to make the story into reality, a film. How?

Ah! The million dollar question. Currently I'm pursuing various avenues to get this project to take off. First of all, myself. Myself? Yep... I have got to convince myself that this project is really interesting and suitable for me at this current state of mind. Have I done that? Yep. Next, speak to people that are able to assist you in fulfilling the vision. Now.. I have done that on a preliminary level. Hopefully I can psych them up into the vision that I'm heading. Now the most important question, where is the money coming from? I'm hoping for all the cosmic forces to come together to make this project to work. Fate is the name. Pursue is the game. Patience is a virtue to let all the elements flow into its respected places.

Hope...

INSPIRATION

It has been a while since I wrote the last time. Time flies as I have been preoccupied with a few things, at work and my clouded mind. Thinking too much, sometimes that's what people say to me. Without that, I consider myself dead. Without that, I won't be inspired to do much of anything.

Finally the recent job that I've gotten is complete. Thanks to my wife who saw the project through it all. During the job, my mind has been on the full throttle, thinking of my next project. It was fairly foggy in the beginning but as each day passed, it is becoming clearer and clearer. One thing about idea, once it hits you, you better write it down or else it will just fly past and through your head.

Inspired I am, again. At the moment, I'm bringing in a project that I wanted to do earlier as a documentary and making it into a narrative piece. I'm tackling a culture that is practically dead now and set the story two years after May 13, 1969. Identity is the issue that I'm touching upon now. It will be my on going exploration and investigation into my favourite subject; alienation of the physical and psychological self. Toiling I am away on the treatment of the story now. I hope that this will be an interesting journey for me. One never really knows until one completes the full circle journey. It appears to be very exciting!

I hope...