MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY??? 2011

Christmas is arriving... snowstorm is wrecking havoc in Europe... Wikileaks is the in news... Republicans are controlling the House... MRT is coming... The year 2010 is coming to an end and we are in the midst of welcoming 2011.

My observation as so far of my age of 41, human beings are generally selfish. The writer is included. We live for our own benefit. The fortunates will always want the status quo and in so doing, will always want to keep the unfortunates be where they are. The fortunates would not want contamination from a cross over.

We are seeing that Malaysia is trying to lure our own homegrown talents back from overseas to further expand and move our country into a progressive future. How about the ones that are in the country now? What efforts are there to keep the talents in here from leaving before the creation of luring the outsides back in? Malaysia in general, do not recognize the vast talents that we have instead we are known to have a lot of nonsensical people put into positions that they are not at all qualified to be at.

Our money is flowing to people that do not have the responsibilities to the investors and to add salt to the wound, this money given out are grants!!! It means the irresponsibles do not have to pay back to the government!!! What they do with the money.... buy new expensive cars, overpay to their cronies, etc... I am saddened by these turn of events as these grants could have been given to people who are far more deserving and people that could use this money to really push the technology or products to the global stage... instead using it to their selfish deeds...

And we wonder why the talents do not want to come back...

Let us reflect back why our Malaysia could have been more to the world then where she is now. Why are our neighbours fare much better than us?

My hope is dashed as I thought I saw changes around the world could have an impact for the better but it is the same old, same old. Hard habits to break. Our world economy is still looming towards a collapse... Governments of the world are still not reacting fast enough to the changes... Wars are still imminent...

Sigh...

Merry Christmas and a Happy 2011... ;)

Los Angeles after 14 years

The night we arrived in Los Angeles was raining. How fortunate or the alternative, whichever way you want to see it. 14 years, a long time for me to revisit the city which was once a home to me for 7 years. What is my feeling? How do I feel about Los Angeles?

All the feelings came gushing through me. Love? Hate? Indifference? All wrapped up in one.

I became the designated guide here. We took the rented cars and...lo and behold... I missed a turn into the 405 Freeway and ended up, we had to use La Cienega Blvd all the way to our hotel.

We had a few assignments that we had to cover like interviewing a Buddhist nun, traced Rinpoche's path when he used to walk from Western to Hollywood Mann Chinese Theatre, cover Santa Monica Pier and Griffith Observatory and the Hollywood sign.

I was fortunate to meet my old friends, Tim, Michael and Luther....

Here I realized why I decided to go home to Malaysia that 14 years ago. Most of my friends are still single. I sensed the loneliness.

The loneliness that I felt... The superficiality of Hollywood...

I am a LUCKY BASTARD for if not for the path that I decided to choose, I would not be where I am today. That does not mean that I am well to do yet but I am contented. Never regret the choice that I made. ;)

MY JOURNEY THUS FAR

Are we following a particular script with the lives that we live? Is it predestined the steps and choices that we make? I am baffled so far with how my journey has come so far. There is a sense of wonderment that goes with it. The where, when, who and how come into play.

My wife has always say to me, “You LUCKY bastard.”, in a joking tone. She is right. I am very lucky in the circumstance that I am at. Let us look at the scenario, I am writing this at an altitude of about 30,000 feet in a plane, heading towards New York, on a computer that my father has recently gotten for me. That sentence itself has shown how lucky I am. Another scenario, recently I was privileged to have met with RINPOCHE with whom this trip to the United States would not have happened if it was not for the privileged meeting. We can always question about coincidences but there come a time where we surrender to incidences and let them just work their way through you.

The end result justifies everything that you go through. We have only recently been engaged to be involved in this project that is taking me to New York. I had my US visa interview just merely two days before my scheduled flight. The interview, in my mind, was tough. I was bombarded with questions that tested my patience and how truthful I can in answering them and yet I am treated as if I lied on the answers. Surprised I was with myself as the interview was being conducted, I could see and feel myself outside looking into myself being interrogated. In my mind, I persisted on that I have to be as truthful as possible. There was a moment where I thought that I might not get the visa at all as the interviewer kept pressing on that I am hiding an agenda but the unexplainable sometimes intervene and you just ride with it.

It has been 14 years since I have been to the United States. How am I feeling? I have returned to my second home which will be Los Angeles and I’ll be there closer to the end of the trip. Elated I am with the trip. Let’s see what is in store. New York, Big Apple.... Here I come..... ;)

A YEAR OF CHANGE

Well… It has been quite a while the last time I wrote. Preoccupied I am to try to jumpstart our company when all came to a halt after our sponsor pulled out from WORLDSTARS and how much the project meant to me and devastated I was completely.

After that fiasco, PATJENN FILM came back with a blast with a slew of little projects that kept us going and busy. I am grateful to Dom for giving me the opportunity to coach acting again and then the chance to produce and direct two music videos for Soo Wincci.

Then came Miss Malaysia Universe 2009 and MIFA 2009 which was indeed a blessing in disguise and we got to be able to work with Syeba again.

2009 ended with a nice project with Manulife where we put our heart and soul into creating a nice corporate video, a vision & mission video and Jenn composed an unforgettable tune for their theme song. All in all, 2009 was not too bad.

With 2010, I wanted a big change so Jenn and I can concentrate in making and expanding our little company, PATJENN FILM into a more striving business. We changed our business card with a completely new look and logo and we also softly launched our website.

The biggest change is I decided with Jenn to move out of our little comfort zone of Puchong to a more nicer place on the other side of town and our kids are now in a new school, and I am glad that they are adjusting to the change which Jenn and I hope that it will greatly improve our FENG SHUI.

Thank you 2009 and HELLO 2010… ;D

Great Grate

I am cynical. The gray area is where I reside to keep myself observant to my surroundings, hoping that I would be more capable to absorb bad falls. I am human. Only a human. OUCH!! Yep. A human. Pinched myself hard to stupidly prove that I am but only of flesh and blood. I make mistakes in judgments and hopefully I will never again fall into the same shit holes again.

I also believe in darkness, there will always be light and that is where I am heading, the light. As I was dwindling downwards over my failed project, I had the opportunity to redeem myself by recently directing two music videos. In dwelling darkness, I appreciate to be in the shower of light as it breathes a sense of living back to me. To exist, is to be able to negotiate through the light and dark and how I wish but as I am only a human, to be able to reside permanently in the gray.

It was a decision that I made. Always the rights and wrongs that one make that determine the direction that one is heading towards either the light or dark, rarely gray because decision is an action and gray is inaction. A cause will always have its effect. Ying will always have its Yang. The nature of this existence.

Decided I did to go to a fashion show a few months ago at One Utama with my wife that had this domino effect to what I have accomplished today. A chance meeting with Dominique and his talents on that night and how he decided to trust me to hold acting lessons to his talents and later, the trickled down effect to the directing of the two music videos, and again it was all due to the trust Dominique put on me. For that, Dominique, I thank you. Grateful I am with the trust that you have given to PATJENN FILM.

Trust? Easy word, right? How can trust be measured or quantified?
It’s not that easy anymore, right?

to be continued...

MY DEEPEST GRATITUTE AND APOLOGIES

The dark side of our ego that is in us manifests in ways that one needs “mirror” to reflect back the ugliness that one has done. The “mirror” is someone that has a clear mind in seeing what you have done and tells it as it is.

I am first of all only but flesh and blood and that, I am only a human. Flaws stack over flaws. Stubborn runs deep in my blood. Upon that, I confess that with my ego I took up a project in which I thought could assist in propelling my company to a more prominent position. Greed was not the factor but my confidence is that I could deliver a very good programme that will showcase what PATJENN FILM can offer which is to tell good stories.

The project was a BAD APPLE from the get go. From this vantage point now, I am able to evaluate clearly the worms that are rotting the apple. The biggest problem was there was no centralized control over the project. The event is handled by one other company, the TV project is handled by us, and the all consuming supposedly people’s agency that wants to have all the glory for virtually nothing. How does one get sponsors in when all is not centralized?

A sponsor we did finally get but we got SCREWED big time when just on the eve of our LIVE show for TV, the irresponsible sponsor pulled out, leaving us in a HUGE DEBT to the people that have put their trust and hard work in the project.

First and foremost, my wife, Jenn has always been the LIGHTHOUSE and the PILLAR of my life. Due to my stubbornness, I relied on my instinct (most times, it’s off the marks) to trudge through this troubled project by acting on our strength which is honesty and integrity. I am wrong. I am wrong. Jenn had warned me early on but I persisted on. My deepest apology and gratitude to Jenn.
To all the others, Asaph Sia, Martyn, Ronnie, Liang, Sean, Jehan, Vanessa and all the others that we owe this HUGE DEBT, let me own up my mistakes and my deepest apologies to all of you. My deepest gratitude for the understanding and my promise is that we will settle the debt. Time is what I am asking for. Thank you. Thank you.

J. THE FOOL

There is a point where I draw the line. I have met many Singaporeans in my lifetime, this is the first when I have really met a Singaporean that epitomizes the KIASU-ISM culture that Singapore is famous for and the name is awarded to the great J. who I believed is the greatest idiot on the face of the earth. He is supposed to be the most successful filmmaker in Singapore. I need to spit. I don't understand a person who thinks that he is the best which I can dispute at all cost. He maybe hardworking and responsible but we can also argue that ADOLF HITLER was a person who has love in him but he is a monster.

He thinks that he is creative..... Hmmm..probably for an average Singaporean he is. I'm writing a report on my professional working relationship in this project that I was commissioned to do. He demanded what, I have met. If he is unhappy, he should have also helm the project in which the actual project was supposed to be helmed by another person but being the idiot that J. is and also because J. has to satisfy his own self deprecating EGO, he took over the project, leaving the other person in the drain.

The world is going through a great filtration at the moment, purging out the bad and in hopes, will let the good to blossom. It is HIGH TIME that he be purged out into the global sewerage system just like the likes of Bernard Madoff. ;D